This blog post has no purpose, but to express something–anything–for the sake of it.
By day 5 of this quarantine, I am feeling the heavy effects of this isolation. It has gotten to the point where I am even pondering life and existence itself. Sheesh. I miss deeply the little things that remind me of the value in existing around others: the chatter of my classmates during a break, the sight of everyone sitting up at the mere mention of the word ‘posture,’ and the strange banter of the bathroom line going out the door since there’s only one bathroom each for men and women. After a long day of class, I’d often think to myself I desperately need to get out of this building, never predicting that I’d come to miss the ol’ College of Health Professions as much as I now do.
This concept of digital learning does not mesh well with me. In-person class drives the kind of extrinsic motivation sourced from the fact others seem to be so diligently paying attention and I seek to emulate them. And of course, lab classes make little to no sense over a screen. Events are cancelled: salsa lessons, group therapy, 10k races, and century bike rides. Anxiety is high in my family since they exist in the epicenter of the US outbreak around Seattle, WA. The coronavirus seems determined to take everything involving others from everyone. It’s forcing us to reflect, or at the very least, retract inwards. It’s been a pretty harsh reminder of our independence, which I usually enjoy.
With all my transgressions aside, there is joy still. It’s Spring and the weather has been excellent. I exercise not to be training for some event, but purely for the sake of wanting to do it. Living with three dogs helps. I have an excess of time, even, to eat well and read and study and clean and even indulge in some hobbies. In fact, I’d argue my ‘work-life’ balance has never been better. I wonder if there could ever be some happy medium between this kind of isolation, and the intensive 40+ hour work weeks that have worn me down in past jobs.
One of my favorite things I’ve observed is the resistance against apathy; how easy it is to let the time pass us by with streaming services and content streams. Yet with some resistance there is still space to grow. Although I may still be adjusting to all this newness, I am still learning and trying. I see my professors trying their hardest to make accommodations for our (costly) education. For PT school, it’s forced me to check out of my autopilot and reevaluate: how badly do I want this? How much am I willing to adapt for this? Turns out I want it pretty badly. Yes, the exams and assignments don’t cease, but I’m grateful to have found this brief reflective moment.
These are my realities: I am alone here, but I am not yet lonely. The phone I have been trying to detach myself from has become the funnel for interaction. Online class has been an adjustment. There is a lot to be worried about for my family. The major theme here is that the arm of change is relentless and endlessly forthcoming, so I’d better get used to it.
ASJ
First Wealth Health 